Pondering Existence

I don’t question the existence
of an omnipotent God, I don’t.
I believe there is a higher force
that has created us, me.
Has created the essence of life,
and the surroundings of the world
to serve the human existence.
I believe.

However, I question if God’s essence
is to create,
rather than micromanage.

Is there a gap
between creation and judgment?

Is all that happens in between,
a mere force of nature?
Choice?
Self determination?

Does God plunk us down here
and wait for us to pass through,
and then judge us
on our temporary trip through His world?

If yes, is this a cruel joke?
Or does it have a higher purpose?

Are we dropped onto this chess board
from high up above,
where God has
a birds-eye view?
That’s not fair,
because He can see the whole picture!

We can only see the playing pieces around us.
So are we, mortal humans,
merely supposed to pick up
where He left us off,
and blindly pick our next step?

Well, I am not going to take this lying down.

There has to be a direction.

So, then, all the pretty things on this world
are to serve as reminders of something
so beautiful and immense,
to remind us that we should reach higher
to see wider?

But when it is each to itself,
it is hard.
It is difficult.
Who is supposed to raise me on their shoulders, high,
so I can see past the horizon?

Who is there as a liaison, between top, and bottom.
It’s not a human.

It’s Music.
Because it is the language of the
wiser, older, and previous souls.
It transcends.
It can make us float when the song carries us.
We can see.
We can feel.
But do we connect?
Can it last after the crescendo,
after the final note?
It doesn’t.
So must we shut it all out
and drown ourselves
in the neverness
and nothingness
and alwaysness
of eternal song?

Can the world tolerate that?
No.
They seek to distract us
with the dirty, the secular, the ugly.
Work. Labor.
Continuity of human life, they say.
But that does pull one away from life.
What a contradiction.

How is a balance formed?
Can there even be a balance?
Can ugly paycheck jobs and dead end marriages
be a balance with uplifting beauty,
to bridge the gap
between the mundane and the eternal?
I doubt it.

I think that the humans just pretend.
A widespread fanatic belief,
training their minds to believe in what they want to believe in.
Because it is convenient
It works for most.
It answers their immediates.

Can they foresee more?
They can’t,
or it would be evident in their ways.

They would live a life as a tourist,
taking it all in.
While it lasts.
Learning the history,
dissecting and treasuring the details.

Because those are clues.
Clues for the future.
Everything that will be
has taken root in the past.
So strive to understand it.
Don’t just walk through it
like a stranded villager
trudging through the muck

to get to dry land.

That is not your purpose in this temporary passageway of this life.